There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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