I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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