I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
