He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
