I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
