I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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