You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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