At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
