he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
