This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
