More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
