I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
