I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
