We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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