I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
