She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
