I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize