i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just pee around me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
