Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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