his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Two words: nipple clamps
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