I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
