Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
