it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
