this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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