Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
