Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
