I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
