yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize
