I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize