First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
