Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
