You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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