sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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