so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
