3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
