Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize