New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
