i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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