I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
