Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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