my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
