somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
