No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i believe in u and ur pee
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
