two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
