Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
