I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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