Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
