I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
