Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
