I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
