Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
God, I missed his penis.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
