with your own penis?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
