doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
