I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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