He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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