Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
