shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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