Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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