I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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