somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
