dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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