we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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