I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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