Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
