Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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