At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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